change

My whole life I've wanted change and somewhat enjoyed change. 
But leaving Honduras to come to Thailand was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a while. I felt like I was leaving family and home. It's crazy how just in three short months God showed me SO MUCH about myself, the people around me, and HIm. I think the reason it was so sad is because I saw so much change in the boys we lived with that I want to continue to see them grow each and every day. But I can't so much do that in Thailand. Or South Africa. Or the States. Or anywhere besides Honduras. During my last few days in Honduras while we were debrieifing in Valle de Angeles I became sad because it was hitting me that I'm not going to see these people and at least 7 months. And some I might not ever see again. I became angry and upset. Because why would God put this desire to live in Honduras and this undying love for the people in my heart? And why would he make me see these changes that the boys have gone through? Just so that I could leave and go on to another country. and then another…and then home to the US. Why would He put these peoples emotions through that? Why would He put MY emotions through that? I felt like it wasn't fair. And I didn't understand why He would put me through this. 
We were in worship one night at debrief and God told me to go sit in the front in a corner. So I obeyed. I sat there in His presence wondering why He wanted me to do this. I kept praying for words. I kept praying for peace. But felt empty. Soon I felt a hand on my back and started to hear words come out of one of my squad mates mouths. She started telling me this, "God didn't put this desire for Honduras in your heart for no reason….He didn't form these relationsips just because…But He also didn't put you on this trip for fun and games. He isn't taking you to Thailand or South Africa for vacation. He is BIG plans for you in each country. And the boys will still be here in Honduras when you come back.." Or at least that is what I heard. I believe it was God speaking. As soon as she was done another girl came and sat in front of me and basically told me the EXACT same thing. She told me that God wanted to let me know that He has these people in His hands and that He can take care of it while I'm out doing His will for the next 6 months. Then I quickly realized how selfish I was being. God DIDN'T put Honduras so close to my heart for no reason. But I'm also not in Thailand right now writing this blog for no reason. He does have plans. For the aiports, for the planes, for the countries, for home when I go back, and even for Honduras. 
It's just a matter of trust. and realizing that God has got it all under control.
Now after three travel days I'm in Thailand. SO excited and SO ready to see what God has for me and my team for the next few months………